||[Feb. 1st, 2003|12:55 am]
i'm just running through the motions.|
i want my life to mean something, to really shine. and i feel more and more that i haven't experienced this at all. because all i do is think about how things used to be or how things should be, how my life used to be purposeful, and how someone else benefited from my existence.
i want to learn. a passion, a craft, a career. a trade, a discipline, anything to devote my life to whole heartedly. i want to study, but not books, and lectures, and calculus. but apprenticeships, and mentors, and understudy, and honor.
i want to love someone so much that i can't breathe anymore. to fall head over heels, and to be fallen over, loved back. because what else is live worth living for.
i wish that my hairline wasn't receding, i wish that i had a beard. i wish that next time i talk to my parents no one mentions money.